WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU START A RELATIONSHIP PART 2

RESTRICTIONS BY PARENTS ON WHERE WE CAN CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER FROM. HOW RIGHT IS IT?

Our parents we all know have an undeniable role to play in our getting married. No one marries all by his or her self without parental involvement. Even for orphans someone must play the role of the parents. The question now is ‘Is it right for parents to restrict their child when it comes to where he or she can marry from?’ is it scriptural to do that?

There is no denying the fact that most singles don’t carry their parents along, they go ahead in being in a long term relationship without letting their parents know about it until near wedding. They keep doing hide and seek from their parents only to receive a heart breaking ‘no you can’t marry from that place no matter what you do about it’ from their parents. At that very point they start running helter skater looking for who can help talk to their parents, or pastors to help pray their parents to agreeing. 

The truth is that, just like the saying goes that fathers are feathers designed to carry us to safety in things of life, I will also say that parents are planes God ordained to ensure they take us to bliss as regards to marriage. Most time when they place restrictions if we can for once drop our selfishness we will definitely see that they are about to save us from looming danger.

Should parents place restrictions to where their child can marry from? My dear this did not start today in the scriptures we see Abraham, Isaac and Samson’s parents placing restrictions to ensure their children has a blissful marriage.

Genesis 24:1-4

And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the LORD had blessed Abraham in all things.

And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:

And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of Canaanites, among whom I dwell:

But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.

That’s father Abraham giving a strict restriction even as faith filled as he is. Also in Genesis 28:1-2

And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and said unto him, thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan.

Arise, go to Padanaram, to the house of  Bethuel thy mothers father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughters of Laban thy mothers brother.

May be I should say this one is even more specific than the first. To be frank with you most times if not all the time, there is always consequences when parents restrictions are ignored. Let’s read down.

Genesis 28:6-10

When Esau saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob, and sent him away to Padanaram, to take him a wife from thence; and that as he blessed him he gave him charge, saying, 

Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan;

And that Jacob obeyed his father and his mother, and was gone to Padanaram;

And Esau seeing that the daughters of Canaan pleased not Isaac his father;

Then went Esau unto Ishmael, and took unto the wives which he had Mahalath the daughter of Ishmael Abrahams son, the sister of Nebajoth, to be his wife.

Even before then Esau had already disobeyed in Genesis 26:34

And Esau was forty years old when he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite.

That he missed the blessing in chapter 27 is not by accident, it was as a result of accumulated breaking of principles.The principle of obedience to parental restriction inclusive, as we can see that he had already disobeyed in chapter 26. Nothing is by accident. Brethren, disobedience to parents as regard marriage matter is quite consequencial.

Lets also see brother Samson. Judges 14

Though the bible said it was of the LORD, that he sought an occasion against the Philistines.. But I want to believe that that is not the only way to seek an occasion with them. The parents tried to restrict him to marry among their brethren but he was not seeing that for the girl please him well. But at the end of the day he ended up being heartbroken as his own best friend was the one the girl was later given to and this led him to Delilah who then lead him to his death.

I think  one of the problem youths have is that they do not get their parents involved on time. If you have been closed to your parents and discuss marriage matters including asking them if there are restrictions before you venture into one that would have saved us a lot of stress as youths.

Deutronomy 5:16

Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Which other honour do parents seek from their children if not when they do not have any course for alarm as regard their marriage. Of what need is it that your spouse is not in talking terms with your family all because they did not approve your marriage. The purpose of my publications is for youths to look beyond the now and reason as a matured mind.

Why do parents place restrictions?

Sometimes we even see parents that are spirit filled and tongue talking being the one placing restrictions for their children and we feel disappointed, we even doubt their believe in omnipotent power of God. Some other time it may be the child that is more spiritual and we feel like this parents don’t know that Christianity has no boundary as long as the person is born again, spirit filled and tongue talking you can go ahead and marry. We go to the extent of quoting the likes of Galatians 3:28

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

My dear I’m sorry to disappoint you that I have seen a lot of born again, spirit filled and tongue talking Christians that are still in one bondage or the other. Most of them don’t even know about it and those that know about it are yet to pay the price to come out of it. There are even some that may have to live with such bondage until the day their Moses will turn it around for them as in the case of the sons of Israel.

Why do parents place restrictions? Often time the reason parents place restrictions is because of foundations that have gone wrong somewhere which by the virtue of observation over the years they have seen it manifest negatively. And this foundational fault they have seen it overcome the small, the great and the mighty and instead of seeing such defeat again it is better to avoid it. We cannot deny the fact that faulty foundations are everywhere in this area of ours. Just like I pointed out the other time, about the faulty foundation of some of Jacobs sons that attracted different forms of curses by their father. They have to live with it without hope of getting out of it until the day Moses over turn it for them. They could not overturn it themselves. 

Psalm 11:3

If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?

That is the psalmist asking the question, and I think what our parents gave as the answer is that the righteous can avoid falling victim of the faulty foundations.

However, I am not going to ignore the fact that there are some parents who restrict their children on monetary matters. Some parents can put up attitudes of a money monger, trying to ensure their child get married to a rich man or their son marry someone they feel will not be a threat to the relationship they already have with their child. This is especially seen on the parts of mothers. I will like to say if you are fortunate to have a father and your father agrees go ahead. If your father is no more but you have good uncles that you take as fathers and they see reasons with you enjoy your marriage my dear.

At this point I will like to bring this to a close, by saying never start a relationship without letting your parent know, carry them along from the very beginning just like Samson in the bible, listen to them when they restrict you don’t go against their views especially when it is on foundation matters like Samson did. Always try to see reason with them. Remember if you carry them along early it will save you from destruction. Shalom.

Written by

Ogbanu Charles

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU START ANY RELATIONSHIP. PART 1

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU START ANY RELATIONSHIP. PART 1

Love they say is blind. In fact I grew up to meet this popular saying but what amazes me most is the irony of the saying. I think a blind person should be the most cautious less he adds to his disability. But the saying has always implies love neglecting some things that may be of great importance and pretending it does not matter whereas it does. And this we see, is contributing to the high rate of divorce, single parents in our society today. Therefore in order not to fall victim of such vices, there are things you need to know before you start an intimate, soul tying relationship.

Many a times I see young people in a long time relationship with little or no knowledge of something that is of great importance as regards to the success of their relationship, so if things should go haywire in anyway you see them going gaga. This could be brutal or even deadly.

                   Proverb 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but dream fulfilled is a tree of life.

This is the reason why this publication is coming at this season. It has been divided into parts with each part discussing one salient point. Let’s get started with the first.

                    COMPATIBILITY
Many of us in relationship check all kinds of compatibility but always neglect one very important one until few days, weeks or months to wedding day when our churches ask for it. So when we now go for it and discover the non compatibility, some will go to the extent of lying about it. This compatibility I’m talking about is the blood compatibility.

When it comes to marital matters the blood grouping that is most essential is the genotype kind of blood grouping which could either be AA, AS or SS. An individual falls into one category, that is you can either be AA or AS or SS. The S implies the type of red blood cell that is sickle in shape instead of the normal spherical shape of red blood cells. So when someone is SS he or she only has the sickle red blood cells which make blood movement through the blood vessels cumbersome leading to health attacks of different kinds on the individual. Such individuals are referred to as a sickler because they often have health challenges. This condition is not funny at all as it is resources consuming as well as time consuming.

That is why this should be avoided from the foundation which is choosing who to marry. If you are AA then you can marry any person but if you are AS or SS then it is a must that you marry an AA so as to completely eradicate the chances of giving birth to SS. It is therefore important you know your genotype before falling in love and if you happen to be on AS side like me, then you really have to be choosy. Some people out of pity or because they feel like they can’t go back on their decision go on and marry and at the end of the day regret it.

Well you may want to tell me you have seen a family who happens to be AS for both husband and wife and yet non of their kid is SS or you may want to tell me you will involve God. Yes it could happen that way but the question is what if yours turn out not to be that way? Also remember God is also involved in what I am telling you now. He is the Almighty and non can question Him. He decides to do a thing and He decides not to too. In addition to that, God gave us brain so we can give him rest over some certain issues. Don’t be blinded by self-centeredness and selfishness in the name of love. Remember it is God who made this possible for discovery so you don’t fall victim. Don't leave your life to chance.

                Proverb 25: 2 (MSG)
God delights in concealing things; scientist delights in discovering things.

Let him that has ears let him listen to what the spirit is saying to the church. Shalom.

Written by
Charles Ogbanu

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