RESTRICTIONS
BY PARENTS ON WHERE WE CAN CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER FROM. HOW RIGHT IS IT?
Our parents we all know
have an undeniable role to play in our getting married. No one marries all by
his or her self without parental involvement. Even for orphans someone must
play the role of the parents. The question now is ‘Is it right for parents to
restrict their child when it comes to where he or she can marry from?’ is it
scriptural to do that?
There is no denying the
fact that most singles don’t carry their parents along, they go ahead in being
in a long term relationship without letting their parents know about it until
near wedding. They keep doing hide and seek from their parents only to receive a
heart breaking ‘no you can’t marry from that place no matter what you do about
it’ from their parents. At that very point they start running helter skater
looking for who can help talk to their parents, or pastors to help pray their
parents to agreeing.
The truth is that, just
like the saying goes that fathers are feathers designed to carry us to safety
in things of life, I will also say that parents are planes God ordained to
ensure they take us to bliss as regards to marriage. Most time when they place
restrictions if we can for once drop our selfishness we will definitely see
that they are about to save us from looming danger.
Should parents place
restrictions to where their child can marry from? My dear this did not start
today in the scriptures we see Abraham, Isaac and Samson’s parents placing
restrictions to ensure their children has a blissful marriage.
Genesis
24:1-4
And
Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the LORD had blessed Abraham in
all things.
And
Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he
had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:
And
I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the
earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of
Canaanites, among whom I dwell:
But
thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son
Isaac.
That’s father Abraham
giving a strict restriction even as faith filled as he is. Also in Genesis
28:1-2
And
Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and said unto him, thou shalt not take a
wife of the daughters of Canaan.
Arise,
go to Padanaram, to the house of Bethuel
thy mothers father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughters of Laban
thy mothers brother.
May be I should say
this one is even more specific than the first. To be frank with you most times
if not all the time, there is always consequences when parents restrictions are
ignored. Let’s read down.
Genesis
28:6-10
When
Esau saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob, and sent him away to Padanaram, to take
him a wife from thence; and that as he blessed him he gave him charge, saying,
Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan;
And
that Jacob obeyed his father and his mother, and was gone to Padanaram;
And
Esau seeing that the daughters of Canaan pleased not Isaac his father;
Then
went Esau unto Ishmael, and took unto the wives which he had Mahalath the
daughter of Ishmael Abrahams son, the sister of Nebajoth, to be his wife.
Even before then Esau
had already disobeyed in Genesis 26:34
And
Esau was forty years old when he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the
Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite.
That he missed the
blessing in chapter 27 is not by accident, it was as a result of accumulated
breaking of principles.The principle of obedience to parental restriction
inclusive, as we can see that he had already disobeyed in chapter 26. Nothing is
by accident. Brethren, disobedience to parents as regard marriage matter is
quite consequencial.
Lets also see brother
Samson. Judges 14
Though the bible said
it was of the LORD, that he sought an occasion against the Philistines.. But I
want to believe that that is not the only way to seek an occasion with them.
The parents tried to restrict him to marry among their brethren but he was not
seeing that for the girl please him well. But at the end of the day he ended up
being heartbroken as his own best friend was the one the girl was later given
to and this led him to Delilah who then lead him to his death.
I think one of the problem
youths have is that they do not get their parents involved on time. If you have
been closed to your parents and discuss marriage matters including asking them
if there are restrictions before you venture into one that would have saved us
a lot of stress as youths.
Deutronomy
5:16
Honour
thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy
days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the
LORD thy God giveth thee.
Which other honour do
parents seek from their children if not when they do not have any course for
alarm as regard their marriage. Of what need is it that your spouse is not in
talking terms with your family all because they did not approve your marriage. The
purpose of my publications is for youths to look beyond the now and reason as a
matured mind.
Why
do parents place restrictions?
Sometimes we even see parents
that are spirit filled and tongue talking being the one placing restrictions
for their children and we feel disappointed, we even doubt their believe in omnipotent
power of God. Some other time it may be the child that is more spiritual and we
feel like this parents don’t know that Christianity has no boundary as long as
the person is born again, spirit filled and tongue talking you can go ahead and
marry. We go to the extent of quoting the likes of Galatians 3:28
There
is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither
male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
My dear I’m sorry to
disappoint you that I have seen a lot of born again, spirit filled and tongue
talking Christians that are still in one bondage or the other. Most of them don’t
even know about it and those that know about it are yet to pay the price to
come out of it. There are even some that may have to live with such bondage
until the day their Moses will turn it around for them as in the case of the
sons of Israel.
Why do parents place
restrictions? Often time the reason parents place restrictions is because of
foundations that have gone wrong somewhere which by the virtue of observation
over the years they have seen it manifest negatively. And this foundational
fault they have seen it overcome the small, the great and the mighty and
instead of seeing such defeat again it is better to avoid it. We cannot deny the
fact that faulty foundations are everywhere in this area of ours. Just like I pointed
out the other time, about the faulty foundation of some of Jacobs sons that
attracted different forms of curses by their father. They have to live with it
without hope of getting out of it until the day Moses over turn it for them. They
could not overturn it themselves.
Psalm
11:3
If
the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?
That is the psalmist
asking the question, and I think what our parents gave as the answer is that
the righteous can avoid falling victim of the faulty foundations.
However, I am not going
to ignore the fact that there are some parents who restrict their children on
monetary matters. Some parents can put up attitudes of a money monger, trying
to ensure their child get married to a rich man or their son marry someone they
feel will not be a threat to the relationship they already have with their
child. This is especially seen on the parts of mothers. I will like to say if
you are fortunate to have a father and your father agrees go ahead. If your
father is no more but you have good uncles that you take as fathers and they
see reasons with you enjoy your marriage my dear.
At this point I will
like to bring this to a close, by saying never start a relationship without
letting your parent know, carry them along from the very beginning just like
Samson in the bible, listen to them when they restrict you don’t go against
their views especially when it is on foundation matters like Samson did. Always
try to see reason with them. Remember if you carry them along early it will
save you from destruction. Shalom.
Written by
Ogbanu Charles
